How to attend to a man who has disclosed his abuse to you?

FOR THE PARENT, PARTNER AND FRIEND

In order to lighten the burden of those loved ones close to you that have experienced an act of sexual abuse, it is important that during their disclosure to you, you should attend to them in a very calm and caring manner.

When a man is sexually abused, or is telling you of his abuse, you may notice changes in their emotions and behaviors’.  Please note that their hostility and anger, if any, are not at all directed towards you as their parent, partner or friend, even if verbalised at you. These are often normal, human responses to events or traumas that cause considerable pain and anguish. This is a time for your loved one to sort through their emotions, and it is up to you to provide the space and safety for this to unfold effectively.

Do not change or react any differently to a disclosure from your loved one. Give your love, compassion, empathy and care toward them at all times, always monitoring your feelings and possible negative responses you may have and put them aside for a later stage. Now is not the time to blame or argue or shout. Your son or partner or friend is very vulnerable right now and needs you to provide stability in their life.

Be humble and selfless toward him and you will be doing something so extremely beneficial and valuable to their recovery. Do this out of love and you will notice positive change in the ones you love, be patient.