COMMON FEELINGS FOR SEXUALLY VIOLATED MEN
Male sexual violation is defined as any unwanted or non-consensual sexual act performed against a man or boy at any time in his life.
I feel numb. How can I be so calm? Why can’t I cry?
Disbelief and/or Denial
Did it really happen? Why me? Maybe I just imagined it. It’s not really important.
What will people think? I can’t tell my family or friends.
I feel completely filthy, disgusting, like there’s something wrong with me. I can’t get clean.
I feel as if it’s my fault, or I should’ve been able to stop it. If only I had…
How am I going to get through the day? I’m so tired! I feel so hopeless. What’s the point of going on?
Will I ever feel in control again?
I don’t even know what day it is, or where I’m supposed to be. I keep forgetting things.
I’m reliving what happened! I keep seeing, hearing and smelling things that bring it right back and I feel like it’s happening all over again.
I’m scared of everything. What if I have an STI or AIDS? I can’t sleep because I’ll have nightmares. I’m afraid to go out. I’m afraid to be alone.
I’m having panic attacks. I can’t breathe. I can’t stop shaking. I feel overwhelmed.
I feel like hurting the person who attacked me or lashing out at the world.
My stomach (or head or back) aches all the time. I feel jittery and don’t want to eat.
The long term consequences of sexual violation are well documented and comprise a wide range of psychological, emotional, physical, and social effects. These include anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, drug and alcohol addiction, borderline personality disorder, sleep disorders, eating disorders, schizophrenia, psychosis, grief, post-traumatic reactions, poor self perception, sexual dysfunction, social dysfunction, dysfunction of relationships (including parenting), poor education and employment records, and a range of physical symptoms. The symptoms in an individual may be specific or general, episodic or chronic
Adapted from SurvivorsUK.org
As men we don’t normally identify and emotion with a specific word. Here is a list compiled to assist you
Abandoned, abused, accepted, accused, admired, adventurous, affectionate, affirmed, afraid, aggressive, aggravated, agitated, alarmed, alienated, alive, alone, ambivalent, angry, annoyed, antagonistic, anticipated, anxious, apathetic, appreciated, apprehensive, approved, arrogant, ashamed, assertive, attacked, attractive, awed, awkward
Balanced, beaten, belligerent, betrayed, bewildered, bitter, blamed, bored, bothered, bugged, burned up
Capable, cared for, castrated, caustic, chagrined, challenged, cheated, closed, comfortable, comforted, compassionate, competent, complacent, compromised, concerned, confident, confused, congruent, connected, consumed, contaminated, controlled, out of control, creative, cross, cruel, crushed, curious, cut off,
Dead, deceived, defeated, defensive, defiant, degraded, dejected, delighted, deserving, desired, desperate, destroyed, devastated, dirty, disappointed, discontented, disgusted, disillusioned, disjointed, dismayed, distant, distorted, distracted, distressed, disturbed, dominated, domineering, drained, dread, drowning, drugged, dumb, dying,
Eager, edgy, egotistic, elated, embarrassed, embraced, empty, endangered, enraged, enthused, envious, evasive, exasperated, exhausted, exhilarated, exploited, explosive, exposed,
Failed, failure, fat, fatigued, fearful, fighting mad, floundering, fooled, forgiven, forgotten, fouled, free, friendless, friendly, frightened, frustrated, furious,
Galled, generous, genuine, gifted, gracious, grateful, gratified, greedy, grumpy, guilty,
Hate, hated, hatred, healed, heavy, helpless, hopeful, hopeless, hostile, hurt, hyperactive, hypocritical,
Ignored, immobilized, impatient, impotent, inadequate, indifferent, incompetent, inconsistent, in control, indecisive, independent, indignant, inferior, infuriated, inhibited, injured, insecure, irked, irritated, isolated, intense, integrated, intimate, intimidated, irrational, irritable,
Jealous, joyful, judged, judgmental,
Liberated, light, limited, lonely, like a loser, lost, lovable, loved, loyal,
Mad, manipulated, marked, masked, masochistic, melancholic, miffed, misinformed, misunderstood,
Naked, needy, neglected, noxious,
Obligated, offended, optimistic, outraged, overlooked, oversized, oversexed, overwhelmed,
Pain, panic, paranoid, passionate, peaceful, persecuted, perturbed, pessimistic, phony, pissed-off, playful, pleased, pleasured, possessed, possessive, powerful, powerless, precious, preoccupied, pressured, private, protective, proud, provoked, punished, purposeful, put down, put out, puzzled,
Rageful, rambunctious, reassured, rejected, resentful, responsible, responsive, restrained, resurrected, revengeful, reverence, rewarded, rigid,
Sacred, sad, sadistic, scapegoated, scared, secretive, secure, seductive, seething, selfish, sensual, shaky, shamed, shocked, shy, sick, sincere, sinful, smothered, soiled, sorrowful, spontaneous, spiteful, stressed, strong, stubborn, stupid, subservient, superior, supported, suspicious, sympathetic,
Teed off, tender, terrified, threatened, ticked off, tired, tolerant, tolerated, traumatized, tranquil, triumphant, trusted, trusting, turned off,
Ugly, unable, unappreciated, unbalanced, uncertain, understood, unfulfilled, unhappy, unique, unloved, unprepared, upset, unresponsive, unlikable, uptight, used, useful, useless,
Vain, valuable, vengeful, vicious, vindicated, vindictive, violent, vulnerable,
Warm, weak, weary, whole, withdrawn, wonderful, worn out, worthless, worthy,
Youthful, yearning, zany, zealous
Extract from the ASCA Meeting Guidebook